The Actually Funnies

Big ups to Brewster Rockit: Space Guy! and Pearls Before Swine for intentionally making me smile today.

Son, You Got a Boot on Your Head

I'm just sayin. It doesn't look like any hat I've ever seen.

I'd also like to say that Curtis is one of the more amusing comics going today. It's usually just about Curtis trying to avoid an ass whuppin' at the hands of his belligerent father. That's good enough for me.

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Blondie Shows Some Skin or: My Ill-Fated Attempt at a Joke

Not a ludicrous observation, or a snarky comment, but a good old fashioned joke like your grampa would've told before he stopped being funny and started crapping himself. Here goes:

Why was it essential that Blondie's nightgown strap fall off her shoulder?

Because otherwise the strip would've sucked balls.

Thank you. I'm here all week.

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I'm All for Romance, But...

There is so much wrong with yesterday's Marmaduke that I don't know where to begin. But let's ignore Dog Gone Funny in the last panel (I think we covered Kitty Korner adequately last week), and focus on the meat of the strip, titled "Dinner Date."

What kind of freaks treat their pets like this? If Marmaduke hadn't slurped his spaghetti (and how dare he!), were his owners gonna stand there and watch as the canines consummated their love? I will join World of Warcraft before I start living vicariously through my dog and his homely girlfriend. Two words for the sad human beings pictured above: sex therapy.

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Deconstructing Herman

I've found that Herman poses an unsettling query. Namely, what if we had noses instead of eyeballs? The answer, it seems, is that nothing would be funny, ever.

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Minority Report

While expanding my comics canon (can't rip on Drabble every day), I've stumbled across a few new strips. Above we have La Cucaracha, which spent the week spoofing Disney's acquisition of Marvel.

And below, a comic called Housebroken. Tyler Perry robots? I can get behind that.

It seems the success of these minority-themed strips lies in their willingness to mock pop culture. Probably because they're not written by 60-year-old white guys whose idea of pop culture is Tony Bennett and M*A*S*H.

To temper the optimism of this post, though, I leave you with a recent edition of Secret Asian Man, which, despite its promising title, sucks:

Themes of friendship and high adventure? *YAWN*

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Kitty Korner = New Hotness

Let's examine Sunday's Heathcliff, and skip to the end to a little weekly feature known as Kitty Korner. (You see, corner is spelled with a "K" because kitty is spelled with a "K." Get it? It's cute!) Wikipedia describes Kitty Korner as a regular Sunday feature "where unusual cats in the real world are described."

Unusual? Talk about the understatement of the century. The latest installment of The Korner, as we insiders call it, details the bizarre exploits of Salt, a cat who belongs to Kirsten Greenslade of Santa Cruz. Salt just loves to drink a certain liquid--and it's not milk. Nor is it juice, soda, whiskey or wine. No, this wily feline is batty over--get this--water! She'll drink water from pools, puddles, or even the sprinkler. She just can't get enough of the stuff.

It's worth remembering that Ms. Greenslade took the time to pen a note to Heathcliff's author saying that her cat loves to drink water. And while it would be futile to try and diagnose this woman's specific neuroses, it's clear that there's something going on here much stranger than a cat drinking agua (even from a sprinkler). That said, Ms. Greenslade dreamt of being in Kitty Korner, and damn if she didn't succeed. I dreamt of being an anesthesiologist, and I work at Adult Video 2 over on Memorial Parkway. They don't offer benefits.

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The Not Jackpot

I'm trying to decide which pisses me off more, Cathy or those Pizza Hut stuffed crust commercials where Jim Breuer shouts "Jackpot!" When I see those commercials, I want to punch Jim Breuer in the face. When I read Cathy, I want to punch myself in the face. When these two monuments of suck are pitted against one another, we all lose, America. We all lose.

You Gotta Love Casual Alcoholism

I thought today's Andy Capp was legitimately funny. It also made me feel better about being unemployed, and drinking in the middle of the day. Upstanding citizens, Andy and I.

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BREAKING HERB AND JAMAAL NEWS

Prepare to have your mind blown out your ass: the old lady from Herb and Jamaal has suddenly ditched her Star Trek coffee mug for a completely generic mug void of any movie licensing tie-in. If anyone has any information regarding this strange and disturbing development, PLEASE contact me immediately.

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